Why Give a F***? Going Beyond Empathy to Act for Everyone

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Why read this post?

You probably don't care and you don't think you have to.

I don't blame you for thinking this way, but I do think that puts yourself at risk.

How do you do that and how do you stop doing that?

The key might be understanding how to act using empathy.

If you go beyond empathy, you can transform your relationships and reduce the risks.

Today, you don't care and every day the world seems to be getting crazier.

I understand how overwhelming it can feel so I decided to take action.

I can't say the tides have turned, but I know caring feels like we get closer every day.

Imagine feeling better every day because you care.

The following conversation involves some foul language because caring generates passion!

And now to the conversation...

Fuck these people!

Why?

They all suck. 

They are dangerous. 

They are stupid. 

They are lazy. 

Fuck ‘em

Well, that is the exact opposite attitude to get the results you want.

Unless you’re looking to be Hitler-esque and eliminate tons of people.

Which, I am guessing you don’t want to do.

Woah, I am not a Hitler.

I am just saying that I am done with all of these people.

Fuck ‘em

Alright, so how exactly can you tell tons of people to fuck off and not be Hitler-esque?

I can choose the people I like and everyone else can…

Wait, you are going to choose a group of people and everyone else does what?

Ok, that doesn’t sound great.

I don’t want them to die. I just don’t care about them.

Yeah, that’s noticeable.

I totally understand being frustrated with people.

There are a ton of reasons for that every day.

You’re telling me…

Well, yeah. It’s not like I don’t get pissed off.

I get frustrated all the time and it’s very easy to not give a fuck.

Yeah. I already feel like not giving a fuck about what you’re saying…

That is certainly your choice.

Personally, I have found that there is no alternative.

If you give a fuck about some, then you have to care about all.

No way!

I can’t care about everyone.

You could choose not to.

But what would you choose?

In Why Love Through Pain, I found two alternatives.

Indifference or Hate.

Indifference seems like the “not giving a fuck” option.

Perhaps you are ok if people treat you like a grain of sand.

You treat them like one so why not.

What happens when people are indifferent to each other?

Nothing directly may connect those people.

Instead, it's the indirect risks we are taking.

In Why We All Suck, I found we all hurt each other even if unintentionally.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I also have found out Why We’re All Idiots.

So we are assholes and idiots that are indifferent to each other.

I suppose the question is… what’s the worst that could happen?

That doesn’t really matter to me.

We can all mind our own business.

How do you expect to do that?

Are you living in some place “off the grid”?

Are you going there with only the clothes you have made?

The tools you create? The natural resources you gather?

And I suppose that’s on land that no one else plans to enter ever?

There are so many ways we interact with each other.

Well, we can limit it to only the ones absolutely necessary.

Like doctors, firefighters, and sanitation workers.

And so many others… Please don’t start listing.

Those people are also assholes and idiots like the rest of us.

And I am not saying a percentage.

I am saying all of us…

You’re calling me an asshole and an idiot?

And myself…

I’m not saying that we are all intentionally this way.

In Why is Our System Broken, I found our systems were designed for people in power to keep it.

Then people in power start believing they are doing the right thing even when they’re not.

Even when we often feel powerless, we have situations where we have power.

Sometimes we know information or have a connection no one else does.

Other times, we simply have it naturally like a parent over a child.

When we have power, we’re often encouraged to be an asshole AND an idiot.

So you’re saying I need these people, but they will probably be an asshole or an idiot?

I can’t need all of these people…

I wouldn’t say you “need” all people, but I would say you don’t know who you need until you need them.

Imagine you fall and are trapped with no way out and no one is there to help you.

Your friends and family may not be around, but a stranger could be.

Would you want that stranger to kill you, leave you for dead, or save you?

I imagine Aron Ralston was happy Eric and Monique Meijer gave a fuck about him.

We never know what life has in our future so…

I believe we want strangers to love us so they’d save us.

Wouldn’t you?

I would help someone who needed it!

Would you though?

37 other people let a person be murdered.

It took the killer over 30 minutes to take the life.

Only then did even one of those people call.

Are you sure you wouldn’t be one of those people?

Definitely not!

I suppose you also wouldn’t be one of the 376 police officers at the shooting in Uvalde, TX?

You know… 

When it took over a fucking hour for these “professionals” to save children.

Those people are trained to help people and they failed.

Are you sure you would succeed?

To me, people don’t know until they are in it.

They can say what they will do, but until they are doing, it is just words.

Those words could be very nice, kind, warm.

But the action could still be inaction.

I don’t try to kid myself.

I don’t know what I would do, but I do know that I would have to give a fuck to do anything.

Are you going to help someone you don’t care about or want to kill?

Probably not…

So if we all don’t give a fuck, this is where we are.

With people that don’t save lives that they could.

One day, it might be your life.

The next, it might be the person you care about most.

To me, we all need to give a fuck or everyone is ultimately at risk.

Well, what if I don’t care about living longer?

Would you at least want to live the best life you can while you can?

This seems like a trap…

But I guess I would want that.

Well, then you are going to have to give a fuck.

And I don’t just mean having empathy.

What, I thought empathy was giving a fuck?

Unfortunately not.

Empathy is understanding.

You can understand, but not care.

So you have to go further than empathy.

This sounds like A LOT!

Giving a fuck is exhausting!

I honestly feel like giving up on it often.

But I believe that only puts me and everyone I love at risk.

And there are reasons to be concerned that SOME humans will ruin ALL humans.

Please explain…

Let’s start with your family.

You could not give a fuck, but wouldn’t you have to fight loneliness?

You could not give a fuck about your friends, but who’s going to open your mind?

You could not give a fuck about your coworkers, but work will be tougher.

You could not give a fuck about your community, but the area will be riskier.

Then consider the relationship benefits of giving a fuck.

If you care for them, then they are more likely to care for you.

Ok, ok… so what are you saying?

I can give up everything.

Family, friends, coworkers, community, and the benefits of giving a fuck.

My life would be lonely, ignorant, tougher, and riskier.

Does that sound like the best life I can live?

You certainly didn’t try to make it sound appealing…

So what do you mean by going further than empathy?

You can understand your family, but do you express that you care?

You can understand your friends, but do you open their minds?

You can understand your coworkers, but do you help them succeed with you?

You can understand your community, but do you help make it better?

One part is knowledge…

The next is action!

It is the difference between stopping the murder or letting it happen.

Many people knew, but no one took action…

So what am I supposed to do?

Engage with people while recognizing your role.

When you are with your family, focus on showing you care.

When you are with your friends, challenge their thinking.

When you are at work, collaborate as a team.

The community is a bit different…

What do you mean?

To me, the human species is the community.

Others might be more restrictive, but I put all humans in one big group.

So we’re back to this caring about everyone thing…

Yes.

We all live in this world and can impact each other.

COVID-19 and the Israel-Hamas War are just recent examples.

Some people are assholes, other people are idiots.

Either way, the only way to prevent these things is to give a fuck.

I don’t get it… 

How would I impact those events?

I can’t say you would have since they have happened.

What I can say is COVID-19 happens because scientists are friends.

Unfortunately, they are friends that don’t challenge each other.

Mistakes are easier when we are nice instead of fair.

Israel-Hamas happens because they aren’t one community.

They care about their religious community, but not each other’s.

If they were one community, they wouldn’t need to fight because they would help.

That doesn’t answer how I would have impacted those events.

The point is each situation comes down to not giving a fuck.

When we don’t care about each other, we put each other at risk.

You don’t know who you impact or how it will impact the world.

All we can do is do our best with what we know.

By…

• Caring deeply for our family,
• Challenging our friends,
• Collaborating with our colleagues, and
• Caring about the human community

We will live a less lonely, ignorant, tough, and risky life.

So I couldn’t have prevented pandemics or wars?

Probably not, but it is the same curse of preventative care.

Since you are being proactive, you can’t talk about how significant reality would be.

Perhaps you never actually would have gotten that disease.

The care would be irrelevant, but you do it to reduce the risk.

We may not have prevented these, but we can prevent future wars and pandemics.

I don’t understand what you’re getting at with the human community.

The reality is, humans live on Earth and we all need resources.

In the wild, animals fight over resources.

As humans, we argue that we can be civilized and negotiate.

In reality, we still fight over resources because we view each other as animals.

Israel and Hamas don’t negotiate because they view each other as animals.

If they viewed each other as humans, they would be civilized and negotiate.

There is no trust the other side will negotiate fairly so they just fight instead.

That fighting leads to innocent humans dying on both sides…

Video of Israel below and Images of Gaza linked

The question everyone should ask themselves is… Are all of these humans?

If they aren’t, then why not?

To me, they are all humans even if it is also human to think of them differently.

These are the important times to love through pain.

People need to understand what unites them more than what divides them.

We are ALL unique people.

It is possible to find infinite differences even between twins.

What we often forget is we are all one species trying to coexist.

We can be civilized and negotiate or treat each other like animals.

You decide who is an animal versus a human to you.

I simply recommend we all treat each other like humans.

Otherwise, technically, none of us should expect to be treated as one.

Wait, why shouldn’t I expect to be treated as a human?

How will you know when you are treated like an animal?

Any human could decide to treat you like an animal.

For safety, you have to assume everyone could treat you like an animal.

This is essentially where we are in human society.

We all suck so “the some” have treated “the many” like animals forever.

“The some” designed broken systems to maintain their power over animals like us.

We are all idiots so we struggle to question ourselves and decision makers.

Now, people are trained not to care about each other like animals.

Just in a “civilized” way so it seems different.

Trained to be empathetic without actually giving a fuck.

How do I give a fuck?

Act!

As I said before, empathy is understanding.

To care, you must take action.

Go out there, and take action.

• • Express your love for your family.
  • Challenge your friends to think better for themselves.
  • Collaborate with your colleagues to build better together.
  • Align our community to bring ALL humans closer.

To help you in this journey, I created 2 worksheets

“Have I Given a F***?” and “Do I Understand Them?”

Thank you for taking the time to consider why give a fuck!

I hope you have a fucking fantastic life ahead!

P.S. I will not be cursing in most of these posts. This was an exception for emphasis!

Have I Given a F***? [SHEET or DOC]

Do I Understand Them? [SHEET or DOC]

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Summary of the Conversation

• I don’t give a fuck about any of these people. That’s pretty Hitler-esque. If you give a fuck about some, then you have to care about all.
• I can’t care about everyone. We can all mind our own business. There are so many ways we interact with each other and we are all assholes and idiots… even me! This is my conclusion after I explored Why Love Through Pain, Why We All Suck, Why We’re All Idiots, and Why is Our System Broken.
• I can’t need all of these people… Aron Ralston, a murder, and a school shooting were examples when you might want someone else to care about you.
• Well, what if I don’t care about living longer? Would you at least want to live the best life you can while you can? If so, then then you are going to have to give a fuck and I don’t just mean having empathy.
• I thought empathy was giving a fuck? Empathy is understanding. You can understand, but not care. So you have to go further than empathy.
• Please explain… One part is knowledge… The next is action! It is the difference between stopping the murder or letting it happen.
• So what am I supposed to do? Engage with people while recognizing your role. When you are with your family, focus on showing you care. When you are with your friends, challenge their thinking. When you are at work, collaborate as a team. The community is a bit different…
• What do you mean? To me, the human species is the community. Others might be more restrictive, but I put all humans in one big group. We all live in this world and can impact each other. COVID-19 and the Israel-Hamas War are just recent examples.
• How would I impact those events? When we don’t care about each other, we put each other at risk. You don’t know who you impact or how it will impact the world. All we can do is do our best with what we know.
• I don’t understand what you’re getting at with the human community. I simply recommend we all treat each other like humans. Otherwise, technically, none of us should expect to be treated as one.
• Wait, why shouldn’t I expect to be treated as a human? Any human could decide to treat you like an animal.
• How do I give a fuck? Go out there, and take action. 1) Express your love for your family. 2) Challenge your friends to think better for themselves. 3) Collaborate with your colleagues to build better together. 4) Align our community to bring ALL humans closer.

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Apply it!

• Hold Yourself Accountable → Confirm you are caring and not just understanding. Try a Worksheet! Have I Given a F***? [SHEET or DOC]
• Empathize with Someone → Understand more about a person in a situation. Try a Worksheet! Do I Understand Them?  [SHEET or DOC]
• Consider Other Perspectives on Facts → Ask, read, listen, or watch other people to understand more facts, truths, and wisdom. For recommendations, check out My Influences for Context.

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Credits and Sources

Thank you to Everyone who has helped!

Links in Order of Appearance

• 127 Hours - wikipedia.com
• 37 Who Saw Murder Didn't Call the Police; Apathy at Stabbing of Queens Woman Shocks Inspector - Mar 27, 1964 - Martin Gansberg - nytimes.com
• “Systemic failures” in Uvalde shooting went far beyond local police, Texas House report details - July 17, 2022 - Zach Despart - texastribune.org
• Empathy Definition & Meaning - merriam-webster.com
• "Godfather of AI" Geoffrey Hinton: The 60 Minutes Interview - 60 Minutes on youtube.com
• Conflict in Israel and Gaza, in Photos - Oct. 7, 2023 (updated as conflict continues) - The New York Times - nytimes.com
• ROCKETS, HOSTAGES: Israel SHOCKED By Hamas Attack - Breaking Points on youtube.com

Writing Influences & Inspirations

• Conversations with countless friends, family, and acquaintances.
• Coverage by Breaking Points on Israel-Gaza, Ukraine-Russia, and other conflicts.
• Irami Osei-Frimpong (The Funky Academic) - YouTube Channel providing wisdom on relationships and politics
• Friends by Chris Webby (Music)
• Superman by Tom MacDonald (Music)

Explore My Influences for Context for more influences

Multimedia Credits

• Written - Written by me, Taylor Polchinski
• Audio-only - Written and produced end-to-end by me, Taylor Polchinski
• Video - Written and produced end-to-end by me, Taylor Polchinski
• Worksheets - Created end-to-end by me, Taylor Polchinski
  
  • Have I Given a F***? [SHEET or DOC]
  • Do I Understand Them? [SHEET or DOC]

• Tweets - ALL of the embedded Tweets were researched AFTER the writing of this post to enhance the reading experience.
• Memes - ALL of the Memes embedded were created using free credits from Simplified.com.

Other Read My Mind posts linked in this post

• 3 | Why Love Through Pain? Develop Deeper Connections by Embracing Disagreement
• 4 | Why We All Suck? Understanding and Escaping The Trap We're In
• 7 | Why is Our System Broken? Help Update the Mechanisms Guiding Our Actions
• 8 | Why We're All Idiots? Overcoming the Ignorance of Our Facts

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• Originally published - November 26, 2023

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