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This video summary was created using Brevity (summarizing) and Fliki (video). I have begun recording full-length videos and will work backward over time to update these videos.
People lie, cheat, steal, abuse, harm, and kill.
We’d like to think these people are “bad” but what if they are supposed to do those things?
What if we are ALL guided to do these things?
I believe we would like to free ourselves from this trap, but it is hard to escape.
Understanding why, what, and how the trap works allows us to escape.
Imagine you are a little freer and you could help people you love escape too.
This following conversation helps you understand how to escape the trap every day.
After years of doing "bad" things, I share why it seems inevitable.
By learning why, I have been able to avoid my previous mistakes.
Imagine we all did fewer "bad" things?
We all can, but it takes understanding so take a few minutes to understand and share this conversation!
Why do people suck?
Because the systems make them suck.
Ok, there are probably some people that will suck anyway.
Most people that suck, suck because of the systems.
How do you know that?
I have learned a lot about why people suck by confronting them directly.
In reality, people wouldn’t suck as much if our systems didn’t actively encourage it.
People at the top are incentivized to suck.
People at the bottom are disincentivized to suck.
People in the middle are incentivized and disincentivized to suck.
People that control the system aren’t incentivized to change it.
AND… People that don’t control the system can’t change it.
So, nearly everyone sucks because it is in their best interest to suck.
That sounds ridiculous.
What do you mean that it is in everyone’s best interest to suck?
People at the top have power, but not control.
They know they could lose power.
The systems give power the ability to protect itself.
Therefore, the top ensures their safety by using their power for protection.
People at the bottom have no power.
They must work within the systems they exist.
The systems make it risky to challenge power.
Therefore, the bottom remains powerless for safety.
People in the middle have influence, but no power.
They can try to convince power to change.
The systems have the same risks and protections.
Therefore, the middle uses influence to seek safety and avoid risk.
People that control the system have power over everyone else.
They do not need to listen to anyone.
The systems were created by them, to protect themselves.
Therefore, the control uses systems to maximize their safety.
Hmmm… Why don’t people in control need to change?
Well, how would anyone stop those people?
Let’s consider people with control like… police officers and politicians.
Both of these roles are important and necessary for a society to function.
Both are given significant, unique protections enforceable by law.
But…
Both are also protected from failure and abuse.
When they do fail or abuse, it is difficult or impossible to hold them accountable.
So they can abuse power and suck with very little risk.
Why not abuse to maintain this control?
It is essentially a no-brainer to suck just like it is for everyone else.
How are people at the top incentivized to suck?
They are incentivized to protect their power to protect themselves.
People at the top may not hate or even dislike people below them.
They are indifferent to them as individuals.
Everyone below them is simply a number (a data point nowadays).
Making things worse, they can fail or abuse with less risk.
For example, they can lie, cheat, steal, or even kill and remain at the top.
There are countless others we know of and certainly more we do not.
They do not need to care and when they do wrong, it doesn’t matter or even benefits them.
It is essentially a no-brainer to suck just like it is for everyone else.
Why don’t the people in control stop people at the top from sucking?
Sometimes they write rules that simply benefit anyone in power.
Sometimes it is easier for them to ignore rather than enforce.
Sometimes they receive gifts for favors and influence.
And if not, they are or have mutual friends so it is natural to help.
In short, they have a lot of aligned interests and incentives.
How are people at the bottom disincentivized to suck?
“Means testing” determines how poor someone is.
There is a line after which a person loses some benefit.
For example, you could lose the benefit when you work 30 hours instead of 20.
Since they are paid low wages the extra hours don’t cover the loss.
Therefore people make the logical choice to make more while working less.
Still, they are paid low wages at jobs that don’t need to care about them.
They serve customers that often treat them disrespectfully.
Yet, some are still positive, ambitious, and talented.
So people in control and power set them up for failure…
They can be desperate, uneducated, hungry, abused, failed, and written off.
With all of this in their community, crime shouldn’t surprise anyone.
Bigger risks lead to bigger rewards and there is nothing to lose.
So committing a crime can be the best risk for reward.
Noticeably, none of those factors mean people want to suck.
They are just set up to suck and are powerless to fight it.
What about people in the middle?
They play by the same rules with a little more influence.
Instead of being trapped, they fear being trapped.
So they actively avoid it.
And, how do they do that?
They gain influence with power or control.
They gain influence by creating reasons to trust them.
One way would be to do a favor for power or control.
As you can imagine, this often means failing or abusing other people.
Worse, people can’t choose the power they have access to.
They work with the power that says yes.
People in the middle experience the same treatment at scale…
But wait, it gets worse…
Because a lot of these people are specialized, they are asked to be specialists.
People need more specialists as things become more complex.
So specialists in the middle make our world more complex to increase influence.
And even worse… only specialists know what happened when things go wrong.
So even if specialists fail or abuse, it is hard to figure it out.
Ironically, many specialists become specialized less with merit and more with connections.
You either work on someone else’s terms or confuse enforcers with your own.
Hard not to suck when it is in your best interest.
So you’re telling me you suck?
Well, I certainly can at times, but I do try not to.
I used to suck more often and much harder.
I learned the hard way because time cannot heal all wounds.
Sometimes you lost the opportunity to mend.
It is in those moments when you know what you had.
Because it is gone and isn’t coming back.
The only experiences you have left are the memories of the past.
The past memories that hurt to relive are the toughest lessons.
We lost our mother in 2021 and I was truly not nice to her for many years.
I loved her, but I did not appreciate or respect her as I should have.
My friends could even tell you that because it was an obvious truth.
As a teenager, I said things that haunted her for years.
To the level that she nearly drove off the road telling me in tears later.
I was not a nice son because I did not have empathy for her trap.
I was blinded by my own belief that the world was fair and she was failing.
I was concerned and frustrated about the stability of our family.
Meanwhile, she bought our home in July 2006 from banking experts.
During the housing bubble encouraged by power and reinforced by specialists!
PHOTO: THE BALANCE / KELLY MILLER
We lost our father and her death benefits would be lost if she worked too much.
Means testing on social security and survivor’s benefits is an interesting choice!
But it doesn’t end there.
She didn’t have much education after high school and was a stay-at-home mom.
I had grown up believing that more education means more understanding.
This changed as I failed along with other highly educated people.
You need to understand why you do things so you can apply the knowledge.
By the time my arrogant ass had realized that my relationship with her was stressful.
I had put her on defense after years of thinking she was the one misunderstanding.
I thought she didn’t understand because she was less educated, but that wasn’t true.
She never needed the education to be correct.
Just the ability to apply reason to context and she did that among the best.
Marketing specialists in higher education had confused me and I fell for it!
All of the experiences are my fault and I feel terrible about how I treated her.
Not only had I lost great years with my dad, but I had ruined them with my mom.
Unfortunately, I will never be able to go back or apologize directly.
So instead I try to be better every day and help others avoid the same pain.
Remember that you can’t go back in time so stop sucking as often as possible.
Unfortunately, we are all trapped at the moment and that is why “we all suck”
Woah… Overshare?
I might be known for it... Sorry, not sorry?
So does this mean I suck?
You probably do, but you may not know why, what, or how.
How can I not suck?
First, we need to learn to love through pain so we understand faster.
Next, we accept that we must suck or go against our immediate interests.
Finally, we consider how we might be doing the wrong thing for the right reason.
Bonus points if you try to change the control, power, incentives, and disincentives.
Then you are trying to free people from sucking at least.
How would we do that?
I don’t have all the answers, but let’s look from the top down.
We all fall into one of those 4 groups so we are encouraged to suck.
Understand that you will suck unless you actively decide against it.
I love and appreciate you even though you suck!
Thank you for considering these thoughts and I hope it was helpful!
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